S. Lee Manning: I hate the New Year’s holiday. Always have.
Well, not always. When I was a kid, it was the one day in the year when I got
to stay up until midnight. I’d eat potato chips with onion dip and watch the
stupid ball come down, usually with a babysitter because my parents were at a New Year’s party. I envisioned an elegant, fun filled evening of
romance – an illusion I kept of New Year’s parties until I hit dating age and
the pressure of having a special someone for the holidays – which I rarely did
until I met my husband in my late 20s.
Now, much older and happily married, I still dislike the New
Year’s holiday. As someone who tends to be a bit on the depressive side, I just
get worse around New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. So, at this time of year,
with everyone making lists, time to make my list – of ten things I most loathe
about this holiday.
1 1. Television
news listing the most significant events of the past year. I know that
journalists, like the rest of us, want to take the week off between Christmas
and New Year’s, but this is just lazy. And, yeah, yeah, I know Trump won, and Aleppo
was destroyed. I don’t need to be
informed that these were significant events. I’m already aware. Which leads me
to…
2 2. The
annual listing of the people who died in the calendar year. Can you spell
d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-n-g? Or morbid? They died. I’m sad. I’m still mourning Carrie
Fisher and now her mother. I have a black patch on my Jedi robe for Carrie
Fisher, and a black patch on my umbrella for Debbie Reynolds, famous for
Singing in the Rain, an oldie favorite. But please, do we really need the
parade of the dead that we get every end of the year? Wasn’t it sad enough to hear it once?
3 3. On
a lighter note – New Year’s hats. They’re stupid looking. Enough said.
4. Restaurant
dining on New Year’s Eve. So, maybe you give in to the idea that you should do
something to welcome the fact that you’ll be writing the wrong year on your
checks – if you still use checks – for about a month and decide to go out to
your favorite restaurant for your favorite meal. Only your favorite restaurant
isn’t serving your favorite meal. It’s serving a $200 per person New Year’s Eve
special. With Champaign – which is supposed to make up for the fact that your
meal is $180 more than you wanted to pay. And you have to drink Champaign –
leading us into number 5….
5. Champaign.
It’s expensive. It’s festive. We’re supposed to love it. I don’t. As generally
served, it’s a sweet fizzy drink. If I want a drink, I’ll take Scotch. Glen
Livet is very festive. If I want sweet, I’ll have a milkshake. But we’re
supposed to drink Champaign, because that’s what we’re supposed to do. Kind of
circular, but there you are.
6 6. The
forced gaiety. This is especially true at parties, where you tend to not know
half the people. The music is ear-shatteringly loud, and people who don’t know
how to dance are bumping and grinding into each other. You’re supposed to be
dancing along with them, with a brief period of kissing everyone within reach
when the clock ticks down to the new year, even though you just want to flee
for fresh air. Then there’s the forced gaiety of the people you see crowded
into Times Square waiting for the stupid ball to come down as it does every
year. Those smiles you see on the faces of people in the crowd on television –
they’re either too drunk and stoned to know what’s happening or they figure
this will be the last image their loved ones have of them. Hence the grins to fool the families into
thinking their last moments were good ones.
7 7. People
shooting guns or fireworks at midnight. Usually happens just after I’ve fallen
into a deep sleep, having resisted the social pressure to stay up past my usual
bedtime. Scares the dogs. Scares me, especially when idiots fire actual bullets
into the sky, and yes, people sometimes do fire actual rounds into sky. Don’t people realize that what goes up….
8 8. New
Year’s resolutions. No, I don’t make them. Why set myself up for almost certain
failure once a year? I do that all the time. Don’t need to make a big thing
about it.
9 9. The
darkness after the holiday. After New Year’s Day, all the decorations come
down. The trees, the strings of lights, even the scary Christmas balloons, they're gone until next year. It’s the lights,
bright colors or even just strings of white lights shining in the dark, that I
especially miss. They
disappear, and we’re left with the coldest, darkest, and
most depressing month of the year. January just goes on and on until it turns
into February, the second most depressing month of the year. We could use some
festive lights, at least until Valentine’s Day. And some more presents. Make
every Friday in January a day to give one present to someone you love. Only not
chocolate – I’ll still be fat from not having made a New Year’s resolution to
lose the holiday weight. Books make really good January presents.
1 10. Finally, let’s get to the essence of the
holiday. New Year’s marks just how quickly time goes by and how fleeting our
lives really are. This may in fact be the core of my whole shtick about New
Year’s – because the holiday just underscores what I already know – “what heart
heard of, ghost guessed: it is the blight that man was born for….” We are
mortal. Time is short. Yada yada. All the hats and the Champaign and the
fireworks and the forced gaiety are just trying to conceal that truly
terrifying fact.
So, yay, another year gone. Take a deep breath and plunge
into 2017. May the coming year be, well, tolerable.
Where’s the damn Glen Livet?
I forgot to say that I agree with all of your objections to New Year's celebrations, and most of all that it's the beginning of January, which is my least favorite month of the year too. At least this year we have lots of snow to brighten things up - from 9 am when the sun is finally visible until it sets at 3. Oh: Best wishes for the New Year!
ReplyDeleteThanks, John, and best wishes back at you for the New Year.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear, how depressingly funny, S. Lee! Or maybe funnily depressing. Right now the day is incredibly beautiful with all of our fresh, deep snow, and two deer tracks across the back yard. That's a primary source of joy for us and for you and Jim, I know. May it continue through January and February!
ReplyDeleteNothing like a little humor to liven up the depression. Or a little depression to make the humor sharper.
ReplyDeleteIn any event, you're right. I find my joy and peace in the woods of Vermont. I enjoy you the snow, Gayle. (It's easy to love when Jim's the one who has to shovel.) Alas, I will not be back in Vermont for a few months yet.
Laughed at this. Hate Champagne and pass the Glen Livet! Talk to you soon.
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDelete